According to the 2010 US Census, there are more than 56 million people in the U.S. with special needs. This is the equivalent of 19% of the population or just shy of 1 out of 5 people. Over the years,schools have seen an increase in our special needs student population yet we have not always been given the tools that we need to best meet their needs. While there are specific instructional strategies necessary to better accommodate children with special needs, there are also traits such as empathy, patience and compassion that truly shouldn't have to come from a professional development course or a training session. This week I had the opportunity to attend the fashion show featuring special needs children and adults as models. It was wonderful! I also had a chance to speak with our PTO President, Keri Michaelis, about a struggle that she is experiencing with her son, Foster.
She shared her Facebook posting with me and I want to share it with you. Teaching children with special needs is challenging. No one disputes this. But as we are striving to give them a chance to thrive in the general education environment, please consider what we can do to help cultivate an environment that embraces them and encourages their peers to accept them as well.
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This was posted on Sunday, October 2, 2016 on facebook and it
has 1,810 reads and 583 shares as of today.
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Tomorrow is Foster’s 15th birthday. Most of you know he was
diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, a high functioning form of autism, when he
was 2 and we have shared his journey every step along the way. Asperger’s is a
developmental disability which affects his ability to communicate and
socialize. Last week, I posted a very honest description of what it’s like for
me as the parent of a child with autism. Foster has just started high school in
August. He wanted to go to Homecoming and mustered up the courage to ask a few
girls and it didn’t work out: one already had a date, one wanted to go with a
group, and one had plans with her family. My heart broke as I saw my Facebook
feed flooded with images of the children he’s attended elementary and middle
school with over the years, posing happily with their corsages and excited
smiles. I am happy that they are experiencing the joy of high school and
friendships and new experiences and their parents seem proud too, wondering
where their little toddlers went and how they ended up in high school already.
But the heartbreak I feel as a parent of a child who wants to be part of the
regular high school experience but doesn’t have the skills to know what to do
in order to fit in is just awful.
You see, when Foster was in elementary school, I organized
everything: neighborhood activities, big birthday parties, play dates, outings,
family vacations, and fundraisers. I am a person who includes others in an
effort to not make anyone feel left out. I made a choice to include Foster in
everything so he could learn how to be more social even though it wasn’t
natural for him. The reality is that the older he got, the more I withdrew from
organizing everything on his behalf, figuring that part of the transition from
childhood to adulthood was learning to be more independent. He is very involved
in Boy Scouts, our church, volunteering and academic bowl at school. He even
won the National History Bee at age 11 and is a whiz in spelling, geography and
social studies. He is not the kind of kid who is coordinated enough to join a
sports team – we’ve tried most of them at some point – but because of his low
muscle tone, it’s just not in the cards for him. He is very involved and has a
very supportive family, but he has always struggled to make friends.
This is his harsh reality. Foster did not have a group of
friends who asked him to join them to go to the dance together last weekend.
Although his peers were mostly civil to him, he sat alone through most of middle
school at lunch every day. He doesn’t get text messages from kids to see how
he’s doing. He doesn’t get invited to birthday parties. None of the other kids
have ever invited him to grab a movie. He has never been given the choice to
attend the Friday night football game and doesn’t want to go with his
parents…no one has ever asked him if he’d like to join them. He found the
courage to ask a few people if he could sit with them those terrifying first
few days of high school, but now retreats to the media center every day because
it’s not as scary as the cafeteria. He eats alone outside of the media center
before going in to read because it gives him something to do. He doesn’t get
included in sleepovers. He is completely alone. What teenager wants to be by themselves
all of the time? If he used braces on his legs, would you take them away from
him and just see how it worked out for him to be able to walk to the door from
the car each morning? If he was hard of hearing, would you rip out his hearing
aids and hide them? Why are we as a society OK with not actually engaging
individuals who have deficits in communication and socialization? What will
these kids become as young adults and working professionals if they are left to
sit around alone playing video games and feeling completely left out?
After my post last week, I heard back from several of my autism
Mom friends all over the country. Foster is not alone. There are thousands of
other Fosters in schools all across America who are in the exact same position.
They are completely by themselves and are never included in social activities.
Compassion begins at home and all it takes is one friend to seek out another
who needs a friend. Kindness is contagious. I realize that it’s not always cool
to be friends with the “weird kid” and you have a reputation to uphold, but
trust me that the benefits of being kind and persistent just might surprise
you.
I’ve noticed in the news lately that lots of kids are getting
recognition for being kind to kids with developmental disabilities, like the
high school football quarterback who won Homecoming King and promptly turned
his crown over to the boy with Cerebral Palsy to crown him instead. Also, the
boy with autism in Florida who was sitting at the lunch table all alone and the
Florida State football player who pulled up a seat next to him. Now, apparently
the kids are all sitting at his table so he is no longer alone. What I want to
know is have these kids taken it a step farther and when they’re all getting
together to go out for ice cream, do they think about inviting the lunch table
kid? Was it a one-time thing or are they challenging themselves to be kind
people in their daily lives?
In honor of Foster’s birthday, I ask that you SHARE this post to
help spread awareness. I ask that you sit down tonight with your children and
talk to them about Foster and other kids like him who have “invisible
disabilities.” Autism Speaks recently shared a quote which really hit home for
me – “A child with autism is not ignoring you. They are waiting for you to
enter their world.”
I pray every day that he will find one friend who will
appreciate him for his sense of humor, his intelligence, his kind heart and so
many of the amazing gifts he has to offer this world. So many of his teachers
have said that he has changed their lives for the better…why hasn’t this
happened with any other children?
Think about the kids in your community, at your school, at your
church, on your street…are there any kids who are often alone? Challenge
yourself to send them a text once in a while to see how they are doing. Invite
them to your birthday party. Talk to them at their locker one morning. Knock on
your neighbor’s door and ask them if they want to play outside. Include them in
a social activity like a football game, a trip to the mall, or just to play
Xbox. Then a week or a month later, do it again. Sit next to them on the bus.
Walk with them to school in the morning. Find out what interests them and
strike up a conversation about something you know they love. These kids need
more than autism awareness. They need real friends who can help them navigate
the scary social world. Foster will strengthen his social skills in a real
setting, preparing him for the world that awaits him beyond high school. You
just might improve your character and find a forever friend along the way. And
together, we can make an actual difference in this crazy world. #fostersbirthday | Facebook
Staff Spotlight
This week I would like to shine the spotlight on Amanda Coleman and Karen Gilbert. Our ESOL student population is growing exponentially. In fact, we now have close to 90 students being served in the ESOL classroom. We also have many students that are on ESOL monitored status. Amanda and Karen are going above and beyond to not only keep our program afloat, but they are committed to transforming it into one that provides the best instruction for students.
While Amanda is a veteran teacher, this is her first year teaching ESOL. The numerous rules, regulations and compliance demands can be taxing on the most experienced ESOL teacher, let alone someone new to the position. Amanda, like most right now, is a bit overwhelmed but she is taking it day by day and making the best of a tough situation.
Karen's knowledge and steady presence has held this department together over the past few years. In my five years as principal, Karen has supported the program through five different teachers. Her commitment to our students and staff is unparalleled. She has shown that she can work with any teacher because she focuses on doing what's best for students.
I am thankful for these ladies and their dedication to MBES. I know that they are appreciative of the support and encouragement that they have received from different teachers. In the next few weeks, we hope that we will get a new teacher to join this dynamic team and make great things happen for students.
This week I would like to shine the spotlight on Amanda Coleman and Karen Gilbert. Our ESOL student population is growing exponentially. In fact, we now have close to 90 students being served in the ESOL classroom. We also have many students that are on ESOL monitored status. Amanda and Karen are going above and beyond to not only keep our program afloat, but they are committed to transforming it into one that provides the best instruction for students.
While Amanda is a veteran teacher, this is her first year teaching ESOL. The numerous rules, regulations and compliance demands can be taxing on the most experienced ESOL teacher, let alone someone new to the position. Amanda, like most right now, is a bit overwhelmed but she is taking it day by day and making the best of a tough situation.
Karen's knowledge and steady presence has held this department together over the past few years. In my five years as principal, Karen has supported the program through five different teachers. Her commitment to our students and staff is unparalleled. She has shown that she can work with any teacher because she focuses on doing what's best for students.
I am thankful for these ladies and their dedication to MBES. I know that they are appreciative of the support and encouragement that they have received from different teachers. In the next few weeks, we hope that we will get a new teacher to join this dynamic team and make great things happen for students.
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